It seems almost prescient that the dating app Tinder has a flame for its logo. It’s like the app builders knew that there would come a day when Tinder was so old, people started to re-match and I would want to write a punny headline about it. Well, they were right. It’s happening.
To clarify, I’m not referring to the same individuals who pop up relentlessly on my screen; those people who continually uninstall and reinstall dating apps, rendering my last rejection void. I’m talking about people you’ve matched before, possible even spoken to, and who have re-surfaced in 2019. My friend has a great motto: “Never look back.” Don’t date the dude you already dated.
But if it’s happening to me, chances are that it’s happening to you*.
So to help you determine whether you should give that old flame a chance or if you should resume your swiping and find a new paramour, I have created a checklist for you (you are most welcome. No those chocolates really aren’t necessary. Oh, alright!)
1. What was the reason you didn’t work out last time?
2. Does that reason still exist?
3. Can it be overcome/does it still matter?
It’s as simple as that. I know – turning complex interpersonal problems into a 3-step system. I just love efficiency. If I could just get a faster toaster, my whole life would be sorted.
Let’s see this checklist in action.
I matched one particular guy on the new-ish dating app Hinge. He looked familiar to me but many people do, so I didn’t make any assumptions. But a few lines into our conversation (conversations are now comprised of lines), he mentioned we’d matched before. “Oh really?” I said. “I wonder why we didn’t meet up.” Which was my polite way of saying WHY DID I GHOST YOU?! Thankfully, he saw through my thinly veiled question and told me: He was only in Melbourne for one month because of his involvement with the tennis.
Clever 2017 me had said sayonara to this FIFO individual. I knew that if I met someone cool, I’d want to hang out with them again, and if they were moving back to England, that wasn’t going to be possible. But sometimes past me is just a little bit smarter than present me. So did I go? Of course I did.
He was lovely and English. He was reading Steinbeck when I arrived. It was not going to work.
1. Last time, he had not been Melbourne based.
2. This time, he was still not Melbourne based.
3. Neither of us had any desire to enter a long-distance relationship based on one aperol-infused encounter. So no, the geographical hurdle wasn’t about to be overcome.
If I’d had this guide and a bit of inner strength, I’d have said good luck with the tennis! And then turned back to my own book (not Steinbeck).
If you’re looking for a string of fun nights out with random people, then sure, meet up with that old match. Maybe the spark will reignite! Personally, when I found a perfect ice-cream combination (peanut choc and yoghurt caramel), I didn’t want to experience that only once and never know yoghurt caramel again. Drool. I have returned to Messina many, many times for repeated consumption. It’s the same with good people. Except humans are friends, not food.
The next time you re-match someone you’ve chatted to before, apply the checklist. Oh that’s right, he has an unhealthy obsession with horror films, you’ll remember. Still not down to date a psychopath? Then he’s not the one.
I hope my little guide is helpful for when you’re making that all important decision of should we meet up? You’ve got so many things you could be doing (like learning how to cook that perfect steak, and perfecting your slacklining), you don’t really have time to spend on people you’ve already wisely vetoed.
*Not always. I’ve learnt that not everyone is like me. Some people hate phone calls or don’t understand Marvellous Creations are the best chocolate. We’re a diverse species.